Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Why this is so hard

I'm tired.  It's late at night and I've been gone from home awhile now.  Work is wearing on me and E has her grips on me right now.  I struggle to keep at this.  I'm tired of always thinking of this.  I don't want to talk about it anymore.  I don't want to worry about who knows what.  I don't want to 'Write a book'. I just want to be normal.

I need M's warmth by me.  I need the normalcy that K gives me.  I need time to just be a woman.  Time to learn her ways.  Time to stop thinking so much. We finished work late tonight.  I've been struggling with E all day and she's winning.  I just manage to get to my hotel room before the crying starts.  I sit in the dark crying just wanting all of this to become easy.

I can't even tell you why this is so hard.  But it is.

1 comment:

Cynthia said...

Hi Dana,

While I'm not on E as you are, I still find myself so vulnerable to crying about a whole host of things. I think it is because I had waited for far too many decades to come clean about who and what I really am. In the back of my mind, buried along with so many things, I always new who I truly was. I find crying does seem to have a cleansing property about it, so just let it out when you need to.

Oh yes, I have you in my prayers every day, along with about six million other prayers. But God hears all of my prayers and understands them. After all, He is omniscient.

Hugs and Prayers,

Cynthia