Back when I first started down this path I mostly worried about the physical changes E would bring to me and the effects it would have on my relationships with the people in my life. I read all the blogs, I read the research and the papers from the doctors and I had a good idea of what would happen.
The physical changes, I had a general idea of what would happen to my appearances. These changes were the exciting part. These were the changes I looked forward to, the ones that couldn't happen fast enough. My only worry about these changes was getting stuck in the middle. Stuck somewhere between woman and man. Even today, these changes are still happening and even now not fast enough. In this regard the Internet was right, the changes they said would happen did, and the ones they said would not haven't.
The body changes too, I'm not talking about the outside changes, I'm referring more to how my body actually works. I was prepared for these changes too. I knew the sex drive would decrease. This was originally one of my largest concerns. Indeed it has decreased, dramatically I might add, but It's not gone and I actually don't miss it. But there were small changes that I was unprepared for too. My strength has dropped dramatically. It still surprises me how much more a gallon of milk weighs now then it did a year ago. My tastes have changed too, foods I used to love are no longer that great. Foods I'd tolerate before are now my favorite. As M would laugh at, I actually look forward to a Greek salad now. The Internet was mostly right about these changes. Most everything that the Internet said would change did, but it seems my body threw in a couple extra that I didn't see coming.
But it turns out the mental changes ended up being the most important. And the Internet did a poor job of preparing me for these. It been said that E makes you think as a woman. And, man does it. I was prepared for a little, the crying and the moodiness, but these are just side effects of the brain working as a woman's. I see the world differently now. I have different cares and worries. I've lost the aggression and the ego. But I've lost my confidence, too. But all of that has been replaced with compassion and an empathy I didn't have before.
In the end it's the mental changes that make you a woman. Sure the physical changes are important, they allow the outside world to see you as a woman. But, it's the internal changes to your brain that actually make you a woman. I suppose when I started on this path if you had told me my body would change 45 degrees, but your mental state would change 180, I would have been disappointed. At the time I believed it would be the physical changes that mattered. But I would have been wrong. It's the mental changes that matter, it's how my mind wonders down the path of life and how it processes the world that make me a woman.
As a side note, M's blog was on the front page of t-central last week. She has a big heart and an unique voice for our community that she's decided to share with us all. I encourage everyone to read her blog and experience her world as only M can describe it.
When you read her writings you'll understand why she's the love of my life and my best friend.